I can't believe another couple of weeks have gone by. It all seems too fast looking back at it from where I sit now, but I know that at points during these weeks it has felt all too slow.
There are two things that I have learnt over the last few weeks that I'd like to share with you.
The first week I went back to Uni I went to all my timetabled lectures and labs and by the time Thursday afternoon arrived I'd had it. I had run out of energy, physically and emotionally. I guess being at uni distracts me from the pain and grief and when I'd stopped it was still there. I feel like it's attached to me on a long piece of bungee cord. When I start walking away from it the tension builds in the cord, it stretches, and then when I stop all I see is this huge ball of grief and pain shooting towards me. So I have been learning what it means to "not do too much".
The other thing I have learnt is what it means to "be yourself". This kind of links in with my experiences on my trip to Brazil. When Moses was having a yarn with God via the medium of burning bush he asked God what His name was. God simply replied "I am that I am". I'm sure Moses was thinking that's a weird name. I am that I am. Now I'm not particularly good at English but I have it on good authority that "I am that I am" is the same as "Be". Now I'm getting myself confused and loosing the point I want to make.
I am Alan.
People might look at me and see that I am, a student, a geek, in need of a haircut, a white middle class male, I'm sure you can think of many other labels. How does Brazil fit in with this? Well the people I met weren't interested in what I did but as much as who I was. Increasingly I feel that this is contrary to the society I live in. I'm wondering whether what defines us is increasingly what we do, teacher, student, youth worker, plasterer, electrician e.t.c rather than who we are.
Perhaps I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I'm sure that what we do is a part of who we are, but surely that isn't the only thing that defines who we are.
So two things, "don't do too much", and "be yourself". The not doing too much thing is proving to be a bit of a steep learning curve, whilst the being yourself thing is a little easier. Although being yourself shouldn't be confused with not giving a stuff. I've found that being myself involves having to trust God with things that I can't take on because I don't have the physical or emotional reserve. I guess that links with the first point, "don't do too much".
Well I feel that that's enough of that for now. Hope these rambles make some sort of sense. I'd be interested in your thoughts.
There are two things that I have learnt over the last few weeks that I'd like to share with you.
The first week I went back to Uni I went to all my timetabled lectures and labs and by the time Thursday afternoon arrived I'd had it. I had run out of energy, physically and emotionally. I guess being at uni distracts me from the pain and grief and when I'd stopped it was still there. I feel like it's attached to me on a long piece of bungee cord. When I start walking away from it the tension builds in the cord, it stretches, and then when I stop all I see is this huge ball of grief and pain shooting towards me. So I have been learning what it means to "not do too much".
The other thing I have learnt is what it means to "be yourself". This kind of links in with my experiences on my trip to Brazil. When Moses was having a yarn with God via the medium of burning bush he asked God what His name was. God simply replied "I am that I am". I'm sure Moses was thinking that's a weird name. I am that I am. Now I'm not particularly good at English but I have it on good authority that "I am that I am" is the same as "Be". Now I'm getting myself confused and loosing the point I want to make.
I am Alan.
People might look at me and see that I am, a student, a geek, in need of a haircut, a white middle class male, I'm sure you can think of many other labels. How does Brazil fit in with this? Well the people I met weren't interested in what I did but as much as who I was. Increasingly I feel that this is contrary to the society I live in. I'm wondering whether what defines us is increasingly what we do, teacher, student, youth worker, plasterer, electrician e.t.c rather than who we are.
Perhaps I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I'm sure that what we do is a part of who we are, but surely that isn't the only thing that defines who we are.
So two things, "don't do too much", and "be yourself". The not doing too much thing is proving to be a bit of a steep learning curve, whilst the being yourself thing is a little easier. Although being yourself shouldn't be confused with not giving a stuff. I've found that being myself involves having to trust God with things that I can't take on because I don't have the physical or emotional reserve. I guess that links with the first point, "don't do too much".
Well I feel that that's enough of that for now. Hope these rambles make some sort of sense. I'd be interested in your thoughts.
4 comments:
God loves Alan Sellers, he doesn't care for the trappings or the bells and whistles. He loves you for you and the heart you have. He has his arms around you and is there for you, take time to be with him and listen to him.
The greatest open secret of being a christian is that God choose and designed you to be you. He didn't make a mistake. It took me 45 years to work that one out so I think you are doing well to disciver it so young.
Al you are a truly amazing guy. I know a fair few people and even though I don't get to see you that much, when I do I know what Im getting. God gives gifts to his followers, some gifts you have are of honesty and being true, you don't put on a different face ever, you're always true to yourself and some ppl can't quite handle true honest ppl who don't let others label or define them. Think Im beginning to ramble now but I think what I've said makes some kind of sense. Would love to join you on the next trip out of B'Ham.
Please don't get your hair cut. :(
Post a Comment